oh white privilege...

[la_vie_noire]

IF YOU ARE COMING THROUGH TWITTER OR ANOTHER PLACE, READ THIS FIRST ETA: Okay, see, we are having problems. You see, parlance had a civil relationship with Curt Smith prior to this whole imbroglio, and she is a person who, as you can see in her post, doesn't like strong language. She also has regards to the band, and doesn't think badly of any of the people involved here as she repeatedly tried to leave clear. So you see, she has nothing to do with this post or with any other post, twitt, whatever that got you here. She has enough problems as it is right now. (And yes, this whole situation wasn't good for her emotionally, no one likes to have troubles with people with whom one had a good relationship.)

So let me tell you, this post in mine alone, and doesn't involve parlance. What me, voz_latina, and anyone else says in this post, is our opinion alone (and we also have the right to feel whatever we feel). I leave this clear this because I made this post, and I take responsibilities of my own words and my own actions, which won't be parlance opinions, and words, and actions.

Here she leaves clear that she doesn't like the name-calling that went on.

Also, my English is bad. You may have noticed that.

----

This whole business was something personal (and I use the term very loosely, probably because I don't know a better term in English, it doesn't mean that conversations about race and racism aren't personal for her and for me, of course they are) for my friend, and I posted about this as a form of support to her. I would be lying if I said the individual factor didn't play something for me because I know my friend and I know how it affected her.

Leaving that aside, what you see here; the stereotyping, white and straight identities being the default, minorities being used as commodities and "rarities" for the dominant group, etc., are all symptoms and productions of a system in which certains groups are privileged over others.

Don't fool yourself, most of us know what happens. Trying to make excuses to feel more comfortable doesn't change anything. The fact that there are different levels of racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. doesn't mean that the more subtle forms aren't painful for minorities regardless of how "good" of a person you think the offender is.

And it doesn't mean those "subtle" forms aren't related with the more blatant forms, a lot of them which are life threatening (from obtaining jobs to violence).

Do yourself a favor a read the links that parlance posted at the bottom of her post here before talking to me. (Because now people will go all, "but white, straight people also...!!!" I don't have the energy to explain that, I'm not your teacher.)

This is different for me because for my friend is different. It's no different from the hundreds of forms of discrimination I see everyday, some of them more personal for me than this.

It may be personal for her, or for you. It still speaks of a big problem that a lot just chose to ignore.

People talk about "name-calling" as if that would make it a problem of certain individuals who just don't like each other. I break it to you, "name-calling" isn't the only way to offend someone.

I get mad when someone calls me, the individual, names. I feel worthless and most of the time helplessness when someone dehumanize me for something I can't control, and most of the time they aren't even talking to me as an individual.

And I break it to you again, if you offend me, I don't have to be nice with you.

---

I don't know if you know the English pop band Tears for Fears, or its vocalist Curt Smith.

Well, I didn't. I just heard about them thanks to parlance who was a big fan of them.

But as everything, we can't have nice things.

So parlance writes on her photoblog, Just Channel You: Thoughts on "Positive" Stereotyping:

Michael Wainwright and Curt Smith, just before "Woman in Chains," in which Michael sings the part originally recorded by Oleta Adams.

This moment inspired a tweet by Michael (later retweeted by Curt) the following day:

Favorite moment: @curtsmith whispers "channel your inner black woman".. I did.

Parlance's head goes 'splody. I think it was meant to be funny. I think it was meant to be a compliment to Black women. But it was neither of those things. Why the joke wasn't about channeling one's inner Oleta, which might have skirted the race issue, I don't know. But I do know the comment was made public, and it hurt me and it hurt some friends. A white man was given a chance to explode the box of stereotypes, and instead it became another opportunity to shove him - and singers like me - right back into that box. "So free her," indeed.

[...] For the record, I don't fit that Black Woman Singer stereotype. For instance, I can't tackle "Woman in Chains." One day I will, but for now I can't do what Oleta or Michael have done.

So, does that make me less of a singer? Less of a Black woman? Will you boo and wave me out like an unfortunate contestant on "Showtime at the Apollo" for having a voice or style that isn't like that of Oleta or Aretha or Beyonce? Or will you just relax and give me a chance even though I don't match your expectations?

Fortunately, in Santa Rosa, they did give me that chance. And for the record, Michael is Michael. He doesn't channel a Black woman. He sings like Michael Wainwright with his own unique tone that has nothing to do with race, and he holds his own beautifully. At all four performances I attended where Michael sang a role intended for a woman, the crowds absolutely lost it over him.

People think these stereotypes are acceptable and amusing because they're "positive" stereotypes, but they're still stereotypes. And no matter however harmless or well-intentioned stereotypes may seem, they're still limiting, damaging and dehumanizing. They get tossed around carelessly, and they do hurt, anger and disempower.

I am a person, not a concept. I'm not a dark, mysterious force you can conjure with chants and songs. You can't channel me or my essence any more successfully than I can channel my inner white guy. So here's a thought - why don't you just channel your inner you?

You should read her entry and all what happened so you don't lose context because you may need it.

Of course, things got uglier after that, and Curt Smith showed his ass, and finally saying things on his blog like:

My point is that some PC advocates are doing themselves a disservice by berating me, a supporter. If you want to turn it into Animal Farm then I'll be fighting tooth and nail to protect my right to say what the hell I want in private, with the absolute confidence that I know my heart and beliefs.

In a nutshell - I've been asked to apologize. I decline that offer. Take it in the light-hearted spirit it was meant.

Uhuh.

She never called him racist, she never called him names, or even implied he was a bad person, she was extremely educational and talked about the things that bothered her.

She tweeted things like:

This isn't about being "PC" @curtsmith @wainwrightmusic, it's about being considerate and not objectifying others...

But now the only thing that people are getting is his point of view, because his blog is of course a lot more popular than parlance's, and she is being characterized as a uber sensitive, angry black woman who is just "too PC."

ETA: And voz_latina shows that the guy says insulting shit when he wants to.

The things I have to go through when mama is away - my hand in what Diva likes to call the goth gay look: http://twitpic.com/19ohhu

ETA again: Anaaaad, for what I think is a record, because, seriously, dude, that was fast, anonymous responds to this post with:

Why don't you guys take a moment and run through the ample threads on his website where he consistently defends the rights of everyone from minorities to homosexuals and see if you still have anything to say. Talk about a rush to judgment, you're all hurrying off to make a big deal about something that was said in jest and honestly in tribute (for lack of a better term) to Oleta Adams for the soulfulness and honesty she brought to 'Woman in Chains' - the song in question.

It's obvious you don't know anything about him, and you're just siding with her - with so many other people you're taking this completely out of proportion.

You want to go off about stereo-typing and racism and all that? There are infinitely bigger "targets" out there who actually ARE stereo-typing and being racist and being like "douchebags". It's not hard to find them.

Phenomenal. Truly.

You, know, I don't have the patience that parlance has. If I had, I would engage with this person, or even link something to educate them. But since I'm myself, I'm just going to point and say, seriously, dude, if you think there are more important things to do than talking about this, why don't you go and... address those "real" issues instead of responding to me who is addressing this Curt Smith issue. I mean.

ANONYMICE, THIS IS FOR YOU: This I'm just doing it because I respect the plight of the anonymous to stay anonymous, so I will tell you that I track I.P. addresses in my posts. And no, I don't plan to make them public or something, but you may want to know before posting without using an anonymyzer or something. Because that I don't make them public doesn't mean that I don't kinda Google to see where you live, and amuse myself thinking on the possibilities. I will be embarrassed if someones does that to me (okay, it may be that I'm one of the few around here who lives in my country, while, for example, people from Wisconsin are much more numerous on this side of the blogosphere, but still).

Comments open

Comments

[alcesverdes]

...I only know one of their songs and I liked it. :/

[la_vie_noire]

Well, I had no idea who they were, really.

[alcesverdes]

I only know about them because Mad World, the song of the ending credits of Donnie Darko, is theirs. |'D Other than that, I didn't even know (nor cared :x) about their names and all that.

[parlance]

BTW, I didn't see your edits until now. I really appreciate how you broke it down between the personal and political, such as here:

Leaving that aside, what you see here; the stereotyping, white and straight identities being the default, minorities being used as commodities and "rarities" for the dominant group, etc., are all symptoms and productions of a system in which certains groups are privileged over others.

I appreciate that in addition to all your support. Thank you.

Answering all here ^^;

[la_vie_noire]

Don't worry, hon! I hope you had a good travel!

And yeah, I don't feel bad, but I still have to do the exam on Saturday, let's see how that goes, thank you!

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

oi lawd...and he did it again, and to a different group, same M.O.

http://twitter.com/curtsmith/status/10757127837

It just goes to show you that this does not occur in isolation, and the privileged mindset rarely stays confined. Oh yeah, and that some people simply cannot be reached, cuz they are so drunk on the "goodness" of their own self image.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

... well, the guy is classy, isn't he.

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

oh, he is a marvel of a modern white liberal, yes.

He was consoling himself in public on twitter, and having friends soothe his wounded self image.

It was kinda disgusting, actually.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Yeah, on his blog also when his fans were all, "arg, these people are just too POC!!!"

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

ugh. People get ugly when you point out that their hero is a douche or a fraud.

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

you got it.

[(Anonymous)]

Why don't you guys take a moment and run through the ample threads on his website where he consistently defends the rights of everyone from minorities to homosexuals and see if you still have anything to say. Talk about a rush to judgment, you're all hurrying off to make a big deal about something that was said in jest and honestly in tribute (for lack of a better term) to Oleta Adams for the soulfulness and honesty she brought to 'Woman in Chains' - the song in question.

It's obvious you don't know anything about him, and you're just siding with her - with so many other people you're taking this completely out of proportion.

You want to go off about stereo-typing and racism and all that? There are infinitely bigger "targets" out there who actually ARE stereo-typing and being racist and being like "douchebags". It's not hard to find them.

Phenomenal. Truly.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

.....

I'm more amused by this than I should be.

No, honey, sorry, it doesn't work that way.

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

jaysus...it's a White Knight, and with far far more interest in image control than is healthy or safe, and no clue why this is a problem.

I'm kinda stuck between amused and pathetic. It's like he (I suspect I know who it is) went shopping at http://derailingfordummies.com and cleaned out the e-shelves.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, I know right. I think they kinda missed the point of that site also.

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

forealz.

The droids are starting to attack on twitter now, so I just block them as they pop up.

Absolute Failure to Check Privilege. Do. Not. Want.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Pffft, and you know I'm the one losing my time. Seriously.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

LVN, I really appreciate your support. And voz_latina, thank you for the link. I'm bowing out of this space because I just want to avoid the name calling - douchebag, etc, it's not going to help. As you pointed out, I've been careful not to present anyone as the bad guy. I am a fan of the music still. I went for full disclosure in that blog because I wanted to be honest about how they've inspired and been kind to me in the past.

I'm tired. I'm supposed to be recuperating from surgery, I just lost a family member. This whole thing should never have escalated. It just started out with me saying I'm bothered by this, this is why. It was a teaching moment. I have that right, we all do. I didn't blow it out of proportion, and I didn't expect an apology although it would have been nice. I tried hard to present all sides, and still do, though that courtesy hasn't been extended to me.

Then Curt evoked the R-word and all hell broke loose and there was no turning back. The whole thing's just making me cry.

But again I appreciate your support. I just need to step away from the emotion.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry. And I know what you are living right now. Yeah, I have to say I don't have the greatest regard for the guy, but I don't know him like you do, so well, this will affect you more closely than anyone, do you want me to remove, edit, or clear something here?

[parlance.livejournal.com]

No it's your blog. It's just voz_latina posted the link to your entry at Twitter so it's going to be seen by a lot of people. I don't want to tell people how to respond in a space I'm not moderating. I just see things getting heated in a way I don't want to engage. I've been very careful to keep things at a cool temperature at the original Flickr blog, and I need to continue taking care of myself.

I'll tell you though. This? More than anything proves why we so need to have a space for constructive dialogue with people on all sides willing to come together and listen.

Thanks. {{{hugs}}}

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Okay, don't worry hon, and you know why I posted this, so if it's really making you feel bad I'm going to change it. So I'm making an edit to clear some things.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

Again, it's not your support that made me feel bad. And we're entitled to our anger. It was just the name-calling. I haven't been over at Curt's blog or Facebook for my own sanity, but people have told me there's been name calling, tearing down. And I'm working so hard to keep things at a certain level at the Flickr space. I just hate to see that kind of thing. I appreciate your clarifying things.

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

I apologize for in any way inflaming this. Good luck in your recovery.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Much appreciated.

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

Yeah, true. I know you don't like that and you worked hard to maintain certain level.

I have my own opinions about that and this business, but I respect you, and I know I'm definitely not the one more affected by this, that would be you. So yeah, I won't be calling anyone names anymore in this business, even when I feel you don't need to call names to insult and denigrate someone.

So yeah, I apologize to you for that, because I owe you that, since I know this all had been hard for you.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm certainly not trying to privilege one way of interacting about race or another. I wouldn't dream of telling someone how to communicate their righteous anger. I respect other ways of getting a message across, but this is mine. And I really appreciate your respecting that.

No apology needed, but {{{more hugs}}}. Why can't everything be resolved this way?

[Edited for typo.]

[voz-latina.livejournal.com]

I have deleted all twitter posts. Good luck in your recovery.

This mess

[(Anonymous)]

Wish you hadn't. :-(

Re: This mess

[la-vie-noire.livejournal.com]

*raises eyebrow* And that's why, anon...?