la_vie_noire | (no subject)

Yeah, I was actually meaning to link this post for a while, but I lost it because I fail like that. it's very thought-provoking:

The sexual politics of a hug

What got me to thinking about this? I was hanging out recently with this girl I used to date before I transitioned. We had a few drinks, shared a few laughs and caught up on old times. It was nice. Then when the time came to say goodnight, she moved in to make out with me. And that's when she cast me in my prior sex role - without even a second thought.

When I say "cast me in my prior sex role," I'm not referring to the kiss. I mean, I am in fact attracted to men and generally consider myself hetero, but that doesn't mean I have an aversion to kissing another woman. So the kissing was no biggie. It was the hugging part that got to me. In fact, it caused me to abruptly end the embrace due to my overwhelming feeling of awkwardness.

The reason? She automatically threw her arms around my neck. And that meant that mine wound up around her waist. So, there we were, the two of us locked in a hugging position normally assumed by a couple who relates to one another based on a traditional male-female dynamic.

[...]

The fact that the position is so common and unquestioned makes me think it's due to the ingrained perception that men are the dominant sex by default. It seems that many women themselves still believe this at some deep-rooted level, so they tend to reach instinctively for the neck.

Reaching for the neck is in fact loaded with meaning, in my opinion, with the significance being that women's bodies generally tend to be much more objectified than men's. So when a woman (or someone who takes on a traditional female role in a relationship) reaches up to place her arms around her partner's neck, she is leaving her body open and available to her partner's touch -- surrendering it to her partner's hands. Also, if she has to stand on her tippy toes for it, she is that much more in a vulnerable -- or submissive -- position.

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I've had this open for a while now, still haven't read through to the link. Commenting just to capture the thought that my initial response was 'the short person throws their arms over the neck' - in my mind as a way to pull down the tall person so they're closer.

I've been trying for days to figure out the dynamics of that possible bit of privilege.

Hm. I don't know if that's a privilege. I haven't think of that, I assume there would be people who disagree, but I don't know if I would call it a privilege.

I agree with her though. I was telling parlance that I think it would be more practical for shorter people to hug the waist and taller people to hug the neck. And besides, the shorter-neck/taller-waist dynamic only happens in hugs with some kind of sexual/romantic dynamic. Heck, it evens happens in couples where the woman is taller than the man, she still aims for the neck and he goes for the waist. So yeah, there is a sexual/gendered dynamic there.

vaya, si que es interesante eso. O.o frey me comento algo similar tambien una vez. Cuando se ven parejas caminando, el hombre tiende a mantener un brazo sobre el hombre de la mujer, casi como descansando sobre su hombro, en ua posicion un tanto de "muestra con el collar" de quien es d su posesión.
O cuando se saluda, muchos tipos tienden a tocar la cintura de la mujer (cosa que siempre me ha molestado muchisimo cuando me saludan, y siempre ando con slo brazos pegados a la cintura para ver si captan que pueden apoyarse en el hombro, no en la cintura, que no es propiedad publica :/).
Ciertamente también en ese comportamiento default hay mucho de heteronormativizacion y esa cosa de hombre=dominacion y mujer=entrega absoluta. Desde ya a quein le gusta ni modo, cosa de pareja, pero ciertamente hay un patrón curioso.
La causa?... creo yo que el lavado de cerebro contante de la mierda que vemos desde que nacemos (pelis, libros, etc) siempre repiten ese estandar, y repiten los movimientos determinados para cada persona segun su género. Se llena de una idea falsa del amor como esa cosa "absoluta" que es igual para todo el mundo y que implica relacionarse o usar gestos segun tu posición.
Realmente muy interesante el comentario (perdon por irme por las ramas... estoy a un dia de dar mi final y no paro de procastinar en masa y mi mente es un revoltijo XD)

No, sí, Mako, no te vas por las ramas, es totalmente cierto lo que decis.

SUERTE MAKO. Que t vaya bien en tu examen! <333 Te quiero!

Thank you for linking to this. I think about this sometimes; I will sometimes have my characters hug in the opposite fashion - men with arms around neck just on the basis of height.

Yeah, I know. I was thinking that actually, for practicality's sake, it would make more sense if taller people went for the neck and shorter for the waist, but given gender dynamics...