(no subject)

[la_vie_noire]

Yeah, I was actually meaning to link this post for a while, but I lost it because I fail like that. it's very thought-provoking:

The sexual politics of a hug

What got me to thinking about this? I was hanging out recently with this girl I used to date before I transitioned. We had a few drinks, shared a few laughs and caught up on old times. It was nice. Then when the time came to say goodnight, she moved in to make out with me. And that's when she cast me in my prior sex role - without even a second thought.

When I say "cast me in my prior sex role," I'm not referring to the kiss. I mean, I am in fact attracted to men and generally consider myself hetero, but that doesn't mean I have an aversion to kissing another woman. So the kissing was no biggie. It was the hugging part that got to me. In fact, it caused me to abruptly end the embrace due to my overwhelming feeling of awkwardness.

The reason? She automatically threw her arms around my neck. And that meant that mine wound up around her waist. So, there we were, the two of us locked in a hugging position normally assumed by a couple who relates to one another based on a traditional male-female dynamic.

[...]

The fact that the position is so common and unquestioned makes me think it's due to the ingrained perception that men are the dominant sex by default. It seems that many women themselves still believe this at some deep-rooted level, so they tend to reach instinctively for the neck.

Reaching for the neck is in fact loaded with meaning, in my opinion, with the significance being that women's bodies generally tend to be much more objectified than men's. So when a woman (or someone who takes on a traditional female role in a relationship) reaches up to place her arms around her partner's neck, she is leaving her body open and available to her partner's touch -- surrendering it to her partner's hands. Also, if she has to stand on her tippy toes for it, she is that much more in a vulnerable -- or submissive -- position.